The Holidays and New Year are often a time for reflection. We look back on the year that’s passed and think about what has occurred with respect to our growth, the changes we’ve made and the areas in which we’re still hoping for change to occur. This moment in time serves as a marker that lends us to assessing ourselves, our circumstances, our hopes and our goals. New Year is also an aspirational time, where we look towards the coming year and think about how we would like it to unfold and where we want to be come next year. So, we set resolutions, our commitments to change or achieve something meaningful in the coming year.
Unfortunately, New Year’s resolutions have a bad reputation and are often associated with disappointment. People start the New Year full of hope, motivation and commitment, only to find that those resolutions have faded a few weeks or months later. Goals are a good thing. They help keep us focused, motivated, and striving. But they also have a dark side, namely sustainability and the corresponding disappointment. In order for our goals for the new year to last, let’s be intentional as to what we need to do, to set ourselves up for success.
Oh Where to Begin….
Maybe you’ve already thought of a goal for the coming year. Maybe you’ve even taken some steps towards its achievement. Keep that goal in mind as you read on.
A client of mine shared that she’s made the decision to prioritize her mental health this coming year. What a powerful and important goal! Setting aside the space and time for yourself, signals that you recognize your own well-being is paramount, and without it you will not be able to care for everything and everyone else in your life. Prioritizing our mental health, can also mean making choices about how we may want to interact differently within our relationships, specifically around areas that typically cause us distress. There is a bit of planning that needs to be done, putting some thought to how I will do things differently, to yield a new result.
Prioritizing My Mental Health
So as an example, you might say to yourself, rather than just allowing my partner’s comments to get under my skin, I am going to make the choice to walk away, when I see the conversation turning hurtful. Or, I may know that when my family member comes home from work, that’s when the arguments typically occur, so I will make the choice for MY mental health, to not engage in significant conversation for the first half hour after they arrive home. This is what it may look like to prioritize your mental health with respect to your relationships.
If you struggle with anxiety, you may notice that there are certain routines you have that exacerbate that anxiety, like drinking coffee, eating sugar, or listening to a certain type of music. When we put attention to our mental health, we can often catch those patterns. We take notice to what makes our job harder, what makes it harder for me to challenge these anxious thoughts, and then we can make different choices. (Look out for another post I’ve written on social anxiety that will talk more about learning your triggers and using that knowledge to help you succeed. Stay tuned for that) I digress, today we’re looking at the New Year’s goals. The goals you have either already set or want to set for your year. Let’s take a look at some things that you can do to help you get a bit more traction this year.
What’s in a Name
So the first tip I want to give you is to name your goal. Say it out loud, talk about it with your friend, your therapist, your co–worker or your sister. Give it legs. The more you talk about it, the more space in your life it takes up. Now obviously you want to share it with those people in your life that are typically supportive, understanding, non-judgmental or will give you good feedback. The ‘yes’ people in your life. Tell them. Tell the people you know want you to succeed and do well in life. So taking my client earlier, if she were to tell her brother, her friend, and her co-worker, ‘’you know I’ve been thinking a lot about the last year and I realize that my anxiety is not where I want it to be, I am stressed too much of the time. I need to do something about this now. I’m thinking of starting therapy and starting to exercise.’’ This is amazing!
Now either you can leave it at that or take it to the next level by adding ‘’Can you be my cheerleader? ‘’ or ‘’can you hold me accountable?’’ and that’s the next tip I would share is accept support.
We are Not Meant to go at Life Alone
We are relationship people. We are not meant to do life alone. And meeting our goals means gathering the troops. Looking at who can help me accomplish this goal. Is it the therapist this client is re-connecting with. Is it the friend who will call me to check in that I’m sticking to my schedule? Is it the neighbor who will go walking with me? Who are going to be my people this year. I can be my friends and family’s people too, I can help them reach their goals, but make sure you know who will be your people, the one’s who will help you accomplish YOUR New Year’s resolutions.
Only Bite Off What You Can Chew
Start small, have clear concise goals. I will go down to one cup of coffee a day, instead of two. That is a clear goal and its small. I will replace one cup of coffee with herbal tea or water. I will set up an appointment with my therapist weekly. I will call my friend and set up a walking time. I will write down every time I notice my anxiety is peeking and get clear on what the factors are around it. So we’re setting small clear goals, were naming them, and we’re connecting to our people, to talk to them around the resolutions and figuring out how they can help us reach our goals. And then we celebrate! Last tip for now, celebrate your successes.
Celebration is Not Just for New Year’s Eve
You go one day, with drinking one less coffee, celebrate. It doesn’t have to be the ultimate success. I want you to celebrate all your successes. This is how we gain traction. When we feel good about the steps we have taken, we feel motivated to take more steps. You called the therapist and booked the appointment, enjoy that moment of success and celebrate your commitment to growth and change.
When you celebrate your successes they bread more success. Whatever length of time you are able to maintain your resolutions and however long you are able to stay focused on your goals, is meaningful, is valuable and is a muscle you have built that you can continue to build on in future years. So raise your glass, or your tea cup, for each step you take towards a more meaningful future and a better version of you.
Want some support to reduce anxiety this year. Let us be your person. Get in touch today.
Commenti